<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Uita\u021bi, zise E. \u0219i ridic\u0103, cu dou\u0103 degete, franja de mop. Caca!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Femeia de serviciu r\u00e2nji. Din\u021bii \u00eei lic\u0103reau auri\u021bi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Arunc-o, maic\u0103, s\u0103 nu m\u0103 mai aplec.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0218i \u00eei f\u0103cu, din cap, semn. Co\u0219ul era cr\u0103pat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Iex, ca s\u0103 zic a\u0219a.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Se \u0219terse de pantaloni \u0219i d\u0103du, iar, s\u0103 urce. O ar\u0103tare masiv\u0103 se ivi \u00een capul sc\u0103rilor, un ins m\u0103t\u0103h\u0103los \u00eentr-o geac\u0103 imemorial\u0103 \u2013 guler ars, pr\u0103jit \u2013 din piele de vi\u021bel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Aolio, tovar\u0103\u0219u\u2019 scriitor!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Era agentul de marketing al editurii la care lucrase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Salut, metr, salut!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dup\u0103 ani de zile, barba lui Panciu \u00eei urzic\u0103, din nou, obrazul. Pata vi\u0219inie i se \u00eentindea c\u0103tre ochi. Se \u00eencre\u021bise, \u00een treac\u0103t fie spus, \u0219i se \u00een\u0103sprise. La o onomastic\u0103, prin 2005, era c\u00e2t pe ce s\u0103-l pupe pe ea. \u00cenainte, evident, de a-l porecli Func\u021bionaru\u2019 \u0219i a-l striga Func\u021bi prin firm\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Chiar, \u00eencepu Panciu, te mai vezi cu… Oooof, r\u0103cni aproape, c\u0103 tot timpu\u2019 mi-o sc\u0103pat…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Cu cine anume?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Cu-\u0103la, m\u0103, de scrie \u0219i el…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Cam to\u021bi ai mei scriu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Nu \u0219tiu dac\u0103-i bine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Nu-i!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 \u0102la de umbla pe la Uniune…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Pe la USR vrei s\u0103 zici?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Da, m\u0103, pe la Orizont<\/em>. B\u00e2ntuia pe-acolo, se-nv\u00e2rtea. (Scriitorul e o pas\u0103re de pervaz, e dependent de p\u00e2inea ud\u0103 pe care o m\u00e2n\u0103, vai \u0219i amar \u0219i ea, i-o presar\u0103 din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd.) Groaznic, apropo, ce-o sl\u0103bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Partene?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 A\u0219a! \u00centr-un pulov\u0103r ro\u0219u ultima oar\u0103 l-am v\u0103zut. Cu suferta\u0219u\u2019 armat h\u0103l\u0103duia, cu-o g\u0103letu\u0219\u0103 de Tifel, de-aia mic\u0103, normal, \u00een ta\u0219c\u0103. S-o pus, c\u0103 la Pe\u0219ti ne-am intersectat, \u00een fund acolo, la f\u00e2nt\u00e2n\u0103, \u0219i o halit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 B\u0103iat cuminte, clar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Clar de tot!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Vrei, apropo, s-anun\u021b, deveni brusc protocolar, prezen\u021ba ta domnului doctor? C\u0103-l cunosc de la liceu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Mai c\u0103 nu ad\u0103ug\u0103: eu am aceast\u0103 calitate, pot \u00eentrerupe lesne o consulta\u021bie, \u00eemi pot v\u00e2r\u00ee capul \u0219i tr\u00e2mbi\u021ba. Dac\u0103-i ceva mai delicat, scot pacientu\u2019 afar\u0103, \u00eei fac, ca un g\u00e2de, semn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Nu, c\u0103 nu-i grav.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u0218i se for\u021b\u0103 s\u0103 z\u00e2mbeasc\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Da chiar, Panciu se apropie \u0219ugub\u0103\u021b, ceee…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Eh, ustur\u0103 un pic c\u00e2nd m\u0103 pi\u0219, arde.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 \u0218i urina? C-a mea… Ia uite-aici \u2013 folia cu analizele lic\u0103rea \u00eemp\u0103turit\u0103 \u00een buzunarul de la piept \u2013, m\u00e2ine mai fac un r\u00e2nd. Vezica, ca<\/em> o plosc\u0103 cic\u0103 s-o f\u0103cut. Chilo\u021bi, chiar, nu te intereseaz\u0103, c-am ni\u0219te boxeri, trei buc\u0103\u021bi setu\u2019… Ia fii atent. (Rezem\u0103 diplomatul de balustrad\u0103 \u0219i-l deschise.) Io numa\u2019 a\u0219a ceva port. C\u0103-i \u0219i mai bine, cic\u0103, \u0219i \u0219i mai fain. Sincer…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ani la r\u00e2nd, Panciu Emilian fusese imaginea burl\u0103ciei c\u00e2t de c\u00e2t spilcuite. Sanvi\u0219urile, cele cu parizer, \u00eel \u00eennebuneau. Mu\u0219ca r\u00e2z\u00e2nd, cu o m\u00e2n\u0103 sub b\u0103rbie. Cravata-i era sub\u021bire mai mereu, un \u0219nur un pic mai lat. Biroul lui era cel dinspre dulap. Trebuia s\u0103-l dai la o parte, ca s\u0103 deschizi u\u0219a. Parizerul \u0219i-l lua la pachet. Cerea felii c\u00e2t mai sub\u021biri cu putin\u021b\u0103. \u201eIa, please<\/em>!\u201d, te \u00eembia \u00eenfometat, te momea. \u201eIo-s mai de teren, ce s\u0103-i faci.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Asistenta Ilin \u2013 fa\u021b\u0103 b\u0103tucit\u0103, riduri prelungi \u2013 deschise iritat\u0103 u\u0219a:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 \u0218apte!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Tu c\u00e2t e\u0219ti?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Opt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 La fix!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Aproape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 \u0218apte, relu\u0103 enervat\u0103 femeia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Optu-i, doamn\u0103, aici complet\u0103 Panciu \u0219i-l trase pe E. dup\u0103 el. Domnu-i opt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Haide\u021bi!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Salut, Panciule, mersi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u0218i \u00eei str\u00e2nse m\u00e2na. Mai tare dec\u00e2t la \u00eenceput.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mobilele, \u00een cabinet, erau noi. Urologul avea aerul unui oficial: ochelari de inox, lentile sterilizate, f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eendoial\u0103, \u0219i ele. Faian\u021ba urca, alb\u0103-alb\u0103, mai sus dec\u00e2t \u00een celelalte \u00eenc\u0103peri. \u0218i, dintr-odat\u0103, distinsul doctor Morar i se \u00eenf\u0103\u021bi\u0219\u0103 ca o f\u0103ptur\u0103 metalic\u0103 pe de-a \u00eentregul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Sunte\u021bi prieten cu Panciu, se interes\u0103 asistenta?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 \u0218i el cu mine, amici. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Medicul le retez\u0103 sec conversa\u021bia cu un v\u0103 ascult <\/em>care albi \u0219i mai tare pere\u021bii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Doare, ca s\u0103 fiu direct, de c\u00e2teva luni deja, c\u00e2nd m\u0103 excit. Cum intru \u00een erec\u021bie \u0219i, har Domnului, cam intru, cum m\u0103 curenteaz\u0103 um\u0103ru\u2019 sau genunchiu\u2019. Sau, nu \u0219tiu, \u00eencheietura m\u00e2inii st\u00e2ngi \u0219i a celei drepte. Simetric, \u0103sta-i cuv\u00e2ntu\u2019. Aici \u0219i aici: \u0219i se b\u0103tu cu degetul \u00een cot \u0219i antebra\u021b. Sau mai \u0219tiu io pe unde. \u00cei o durere umbl\u0103toare, ca s\u0103 zic a\u0219a, mobil\u0103. \u0218i trebe, m\u0103 scuza\u021bi, doamn\u0103, s\u0103 ejaculez ca s\u0103 treac\u0103. \u0218i nodu\u2019 piciorului doare, dac\u0103 v\u0103 vine s\u0103 crede\u021bi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Medicul era \u00eenalt \u0219i slab, un f\u00e2rlifus c\u0103runt care articula meticulos cuvintele \u0219i le explica suav, chiar \u0219i mo\u0219ilor, alc\u0103tuirea aparatului genital. Le ar\u0103ta schemele s\u00e2ngerii de pe pere\u021bi: r\u00e2lele l\u0103sate, testiculele, venele spermatice. Din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, utiliza pe post de indicator \u0219i Parker-ul primit de la studen\u021bi \u0219i \u00eencercuia vag pe c\u00e2te o plan\u0219\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 S-o lu\u0103m, haide\u021bi, cu-nceputu\u2019. V\u0103-ntinde\u021bi, v\u0103 rog, \u0219i v\u0103 ridica\u021bi c\u0103ma\u0219a, v\u0103 descheia\u021bi la pantaloni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Patul era alb \u0219i el, curat. Asistenta a\u0219ternu o p\u00e2nz\u0103 ca de p\u0103ianjen, un \u201e\u0219erve\u021bel\u201d imens, str\u0103veziu care, pre\u021b de o secund\u0103, se balon\u0103 \u0219i plan\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Dac\u0103-i grav, s\u0103 pune\u021bi \u0219i peste<\/em> una, o p\u00e2nz\u0103 de-asta vreau s\u0103 zic. Peste mine. S\u0103 m-acoperi\u021bi cu totu\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gluma trecu drept o simpl\u0103 striden\u021b\u0103. E. \u00ee\u0219i desf\u0103cu cureaua \u0219i se \u00eentinse atent, \u00eencordat. Medicul \u00eei f\u0103cu, cu tubul de gel \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103, semn s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i trag\u0103 tricoul p\u00e2n\u0103 spre plex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 S\u0103 vedem…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00cel unse \u0219i \u00eei lipi de pelvis \u201eochiul\u201d electronic. Ecranul se umplu de forme negricioase, vagi. Morar \u00eencepu s\u0103 dicteze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Prostat\u0103 3,13 x 4, 56 \u2013<\/em> volum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Mare adic\u0103, mult?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Nu v\u0103 face\u021bi griji!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u0218i lu\u0103 organele la r\u00e2nd. Senzorul luneca pe piele. La sf\u00e2r\u0219it, E. primi o h\u00e2rtie asem\u0103n\u0103toare cu p\u00e2nza de sub el, s\u0103 se \u0219tearg\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Asistenta notase cite\u021b. Observa\u021biile se imprimaser\u0103 pe \u00eenc\u0103 dou\u0103 foi, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 cea roz, care avea s\u0103-i revin\u0103 lui la plecare. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Acuma trecem dincolo! \u0218i Morar \u00eei ar\u0103t\u0103 un scaun bizar, cu picioare metalice. Urca\u021bi, cu-ncredere, sui\u021bi-v\u0103 pe stativ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00cencepu s\u0103-i palpeze testiculele. Venele se umflau \u0219i \u00eenverzeau. Abia atunci observ\u0103: de perdele sau jaluzele nici urm\u0103. M\u0103car o p\u00e2nz\u0103 ca cea pe care se \u00eentinsese s\u0103 fi pus \u2013 asistenta, evident \u2013 peste termopane. S-o fi prins, pur \u0219i simplu, cu scoci.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Morar se juca, asta era impresia, cu testiculele \u0219i cugeta. Le \u00eenv\u00e2rtea ca pe ni\u0219te bile \u00een palm\u0103. Nu s-ar fi mirat s\u0103 le desprind\u0103 cu totul, f\u0103r\u0103 ca el, suferindul, s\u0103 simt\u0103 ceva, \u0219i s\u0103 fac\u0103 giumbu\u0219lucuri cu ele sau s\u0103 arunce testiculul bolnav la co\u0219. C\u0103ci de testicule, de unul sau de am\u00e2ndou\u0103, era, negre\u0219it, vorba, de ceva \u2013 un virus, o bacterie \u2013 ce lucra \u00een miezul lor dens, globular.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Un \u00eenceput, parc\u0103, de varicocel detectez, de dilatare, da, de ven\u0103 spermatic\u0103. V\u0103-ntoarce\u021bi pu\u021bintel \u0219i v\u0103 apleca\u021bi. Facem \u2013 pauza fu solemn\u0103 de-a dreptul \u2013 tu\u0219eu rectal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n E. se execut\u0103 \u00eengrozit. Doctorul \u00ee\u0219i puse o m\u0103nu\u0219\u0103 nou\u0103 \u0219i \u00ee\u0219i flex\u0103, instinctiv, degetele. Repet\u0103 tacticos:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 S\u0103 vedem…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Se trezi dat cu altfel de gel, mai apos, \u0219i ar\u0103t\u0103torul medicului lunec\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la r\u0103d\u0103cin\u0103 \u00een\u0103untru.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Doare unde ap\u0103s, c\u0103 mulgem prostata, asta facem acuma?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 O presiune simt a\u0219a, o…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Da\u2019 nu-i ca la dentist, c\u00e2nd nimere\u0219te dintele bolnav sau…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2014 Nu-mi vine, \u00een niciun caz, s\u0103 urlu. Morar mototoli m\u0103nu\u0219a \u0219i se sp\u0103l\u0103 pe m\u00e2ini. E. \u00ee\u0219i trase, ca dup\u0103 un exerci\u021biu fizic, n\u0103dragii la loc. Burta \u00eei \u00een\u0103bu\u0219ea catarama. Arunc\u0103 \u0219i el h\u00e2rtia primit\u0103 s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i \u0219tearg\u0103 abdomenul. Pe durata tu\u0219eului o str\u00e2nsese bezmetic \u00een pumn. Panciu trecuse \u0219i el prin a\u0219a ceva. Prostata fostului coleg i se \u00eenf\u0103\u021bi\u0219\u0103 ca o bil\u0103, mult mai ro\u0219ie, de biliard care fusese, de asemenea, siluit\u0103 \u0219i care vibra poate \u0219i acum \u00een centrul p\u00e2nzei de p\u0103ianjen, al re\u021belei \u00een care era \u021bintuit\u0103.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fragment de roman de Tudor Cre\u021bu<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":246,"featured_media":7587,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[1610,47,1370],"coauthors":[1658],"class_list":["post-7585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fictiune","tag-nr-2-2023","tag-proza","tag-tudor-cretu"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Tudor-Cretu.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/246"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7585"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7585\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7589,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7585\/revisions\/7589"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7587"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7585"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcoauthors&post=7585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}