\u00centr-un aeroport se \u00eent\u00eelnesc un b\u0103rbat \u0219i o femeie care descoper\u0103, \u00eent\u00eempl\u0103tor, c\u0103 au aceea\u0219i destina\u021bie. Dup\u0103 c\u0103l\u0103torie, sc\u00eenteia atrac\u021biei pe care au sim\u021bit-o unul fa\u021b\u0103 de cel\u0103lalt \u00eei \u00eempinge rapid \u00eentr-o rela\u021bie intens\u0103, dar \u00een scurt timp apar \u0219i problemele. Este o rela\u021bie din care ea va evada de c\u00eeteva ori, iar el o va aduce \u00eenapoi de fiecare dat\u0103, f\u0103c\u00eend-o \u00eencetul cu \u00eencetul s\u0103 devin\u0103 dependent\u0103 de el. \u00cens\u0103 cum ar putea s\u0103 func\u021bioneze lucrurile \u00eentre un b\u0103rbat at\u00eet de sigur pe el \u0219i \u00eenv\u0103luit \u00een mister, ce pare s\u0103 vin\u0103 de nic\u0103ieri, \u0219i o femeie ce poart\u0103 mereu cu sine e\u0219ecul tuturor rela\u021biilor la care a fost martor\u0103, \u00eencep\u00eend cu cea a p\u0103rin\u021bilor ei?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201eT\u00een\u0103ra rom\u00e2nc\u0103 scrie diferit \u0219i revigorant, \u00een\u021bep\u0103tor, curajos, limpede.\u201d (Annette K\u00f6nig, Die BuchK\u00f6nig bloggt)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201eUna dintre cele mai puternice voci ale literaturii tinere rom\u00e2ne\u0219ti.\u201d (Medana Weident, Deutsche Welle)<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Pe 21 noiembrie e ziua mea \u015fi \u00een anul acela s\u2011a \u00eent\u00e2mplat ca timp de dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni \u00een jurul acestei date s\u0103 fiu din nou singur\u0103 acas\u0103. Victor era la Londra. Mi\u2011a spus c\u0103 se revan\u015feaz\u0103 c\u00e2nd se \u00eentoarce, dar nu voiam neap\u0103rat s\u0103 facem petrecere, nu \u0163ineam \u015fi nu \u0163in la ziua mea. N\u2011are leg\u0103tur\u0103 cu trecerea timpului.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
C\u00e2nd am terminat facultatea, tata mi\u2011a spus: \u201eAcum e\u015fti la v\u00e2rsta la care nu mai exist\u0103 v\u00e2rst\u0103\u201c \u015fi am \u00een\u0163eles c\u0103 asta \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 voi r\u0103m\u00e2ne \u00eencremenit\u0103 pe veci \u00een v\u00e2rsta mental\u0103 de 23 de ani, ceea ce mi s\u2011a p\u0103rut straniu. Nu m\u2011am sim\u0163it niciodat\u0103 t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103, poate de\u2011asta \u00eenaintarea \u00een v\u00e2rst\u0103 n\u2011a fost niciodat\u0103 o dram\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Corpul meu nu mi\u2011a pl\u0103cut niciodat\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 nu l\u2011am cunoscut pe Victor, c\u0103ruia p\u0103rea c\u0103\u2011i place mai mult dec\u00e2t celor dinaintea lui. \u00cencepusem s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eembrac altfel, s\u0103 port bijuteriile luate de el, s\u0103\u2011mi las p\u0103rul ceva mai lung, la sugestia lui, s\u0103 m\u0103 dau cu ruj. A fost singurul lucru pe care am acceptat s\u0103 mi\u2011l pun pe fa\u0163\u0103, de\u015fi a \u00eencercat s\u0103 m\u0103 trimit\u0103 la salon s\u0103 m\u0103 machiez de mai multe ori, spun\u00e2nd c\u0103 deconteaz\u0103 el.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 S\u0103 te sim\u0163i \u015fi tu femeie, zicea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00cemi f\u0103cea o favoare c\u0103 m\u0103 scoate din ignoran\u0163a fa\u0163\u0103 de propria mea \u00eenf\u0103\u0163i\u015fare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A\u015fa cum nu\u2011mi sim\u0163eam v\u00e2rsta, nu\u2011mi sim\u0163eam nici genul. Adic\u0103 \u00eemi era clar c\u0103 sunt atras\u0103 de b\u0103rba\u0163i, nu asta zic, dar n\u2011am sim\u0163it niciodat\u0103 nevoia s\u0103\u2011mi confirm sau s\u0103\u2011mi accentuez feminitatea cu accesorii. Evident c\u0103 nu e nimic gre\u015fit \u00een a face asta, dac\u0103 ai pl\u0103cerea \u015fi\u2011\u0163i permi\u0163i (\u00een timp \u015fi bani), dar eu nu \u015ftiam ce anume m\u0103 face femeie \u015fi nici nu credeam c\u0103 e important s\u0103 descop\u0103r. Au fost numeroase momentele \u00een care lipsa mea de interes pentru m\u0103rcile feminit\u0103\u0163ii a fost v\u0103zut\u0103 ca un handicap. \u00cencep\u00e2nd din s\u00e2nul familiei, de la mama, care s\u2011a trezit pe c\u00e2nd aveam vreo dou\u0103zeci \u015fi ceva de ani c\u0103 a ratat discu\u0163iile din adolescen\u0163\u0103 despre feminitate \u015fi seduc\u0163ie \u015fi s\u2011a apucat s\u0103\u2011mi spun\u0103 c\u0103 am fa\u0163a cam palid\u0103 \u015fi trebuie s\u0103\u2011i dau un pic de culoare, nu e posibil s\u0103 umblu a\u015fa prin lume.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Despre discu\u0163iile legate de seduc\u0163ie nu \u015ftiu ce s\u0103 spun, probabil c\u2011a fost bucuroas\u0103 c\u0103 n\u2011a fost nevoie s\u0103\u2011mi tempereze pornirile de v\u00e2n\u0103tor, pentru c\u0103 nu le\u2011am avut niciodat\u0103. Probabil c\u0103 fa\u0163a mea \u015ftears\u0103 a ajutat\u2011o p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, cel mai mult \u015fi mai mult pe ea, c\u0103 n\u2011a trebuit s\u0103 m\u0103 adune de prin discoteci.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u2011am primit niciodat\u0103 semnale din exterior c\u2011a\u015f fi frumoas\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 la Victor. Acesta a fost universul nou pe care l\u2011a deschis \u015fi pe care eu l\u2011am primit cu pu\u0163in amuzament \u015fi mult\u0103 curiozitate. \u00cen prezen\u0163a lui am sim\u0163it c\u0103 sunt femeie (pentru c\u0103 m\u0103 instruia el), iar \u00eenainte \u015fi dup\u0103 el am fost doar eu, Maria. Uit\u00e2ndu\u2011m\u0103 acum \u00een urm\u0103, \u00eemi dau seama c\u0103 am locuit acest concept exact a\u015fa cum a\u015f locui un spa\u0163iu nou, \u00een care\u2011mi aduc lucrurile, pe care mi\u2011l apropriez, care \u00eencepe s\u0103 miroas\u0103 a mine, dar care r\u0103m\u00e2ne gol \u00een momentul \u00een care plec de acolo. Victor avea cuvintele la el, adic\u0103 \u015ftia exact ce s\u0103 spun\u0103 ca s\u0103 te \u00eenmoaie, ceea ce venea din inteligen\u0163a v\u00e2nz\u0103torului \u015fi, de asemenea, probabil, dintr\u2011o experien\u0163\u0103 bogat\u0103, din care mie mi\u2011a \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u015fit foarte pu\u0163in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Po\u0163i s\u0103 vezi \u00eens\u0103 din felul \u00een care vorbe\u015fte despre alte femei, inclusiv despre cele de la televizor, ce crede despre tine, indiferent c\u00e2t de galant \u015fi de precaut ar fi c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u0163i sugereaz\u0103 c\u0103 ar trebui s\u0103 mai schimbi una\u2011alta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nu mi\u2011au displ\u0103cut deloc complimentele, le\u2011am primit avid\u0103 \u015fi le\u2011am l\u0103sat s\u0103 compenseze \u015fi lipsurile din rela\u0163iile anterioare, \u00een care at\u00e2t eu, c\u00e2t \u015fi partenerii mei am fost deasupra acestor chestiuni lume\u015fti. Mi\u2011am dat seama c\u0103 nu e nimic degradant \u00een a \u0163i se spune c\u0103 e\u015fti frumoas\u0103, la fel cum nu e degradant s\u0103 \u0163i se spun\u0103 c\u0103 faci o crem\u0103 de maz\u0103re excelent\u0103, la fel cum nu e degradant s\u0103 te vrea pentru c\u0103\u2011i pricepi glumele \u015fi r\u00e2zi, intr\u0103 toate \u00een roti\u0163ele mecanismelor de recompens\u0103, care lucreaz\u0103 \u00een a\u015fa fel \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 v\u0103 \u0163in\u0103 \u00eempreun\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rujul m\u0103 f\u0103cea s\u0103 m\u0103 simt murdar\u0103 \u015fi\u2011mi usca buzele. C\u00e2nd eram singur\u0103 acas\u0103 \u015fi nu m\u0103 vedea nimeni, m\u0103 d\u0103deam pe buze cu unt, \u00eencercam cumva s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentorc la set\u0103rile din fabric\u0103. Lui Victor \u00eei pl\u0103cea rujul pentru c\u0103\u2011l st\u00e2rnea un gest anume \u2013 mi\u2011l \u00eentindea pe obraz cu degetul mare, ap\u0103s\u00e2nd puternic \u015fi tr\u0103g\u00e2nd de piele. Se pare c\u0103 acest glitch <\/em>\u00een imaginea mea, rujul \u00eentins, gura care\u2011\u015fi pierde forma, m\u0103 f\u0103cea vulnerabil\u0103 \u015fi gata de a fi atacat\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Poate i\u2011ar fi pl\u0103cut s\u0103\u2011mi curg\u0103 \u015fi rimelul, m\u2011am g\u00e2ndit, \u015fi i\u2011am oferit \u015fi asta de c\u00e2teva ori.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u015ei m\u2011am g\u00e2ndit c\u0103 e cam devreme totu\u015fi s\u0103 \u00eencep s\u0103 m\u0103 zbat s\u0103\u2011l p\u0103strez.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u2011am avut privilegiul unei rela\u0163ii de zece ani, nici m\u0103car al uneia de cinci. Nu \u015ftiu c\u00e2nd intervine nevoia de a da culoare rela\u0163iei sau de a\u2011\u0163i da culoare \u0163ie pentru a o salva din plictiseal\u0103 \u015fi rutin\u0103 sau c\u00e2nd \u00eencepi s\u0103\u2011i ceri celuilalt s\u0103 fac\u0103 asta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n La noi se pare c\u0103 a fost din start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n C\u00e2nd eram numai eu acas\u0103, nu voiam s\u0103 vin\u0103 Sanda, \u00eemi sp\u0103lam singur\u0103 vasele \u015fi mai mult nici nu era de f\u0103cut. Victor \u00eens\u0103 \u00eei cerea norm\u0103 dubl\u0103 c\u00e2nd se \u00eentorcea, astfel \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103\u2011\u015fi recupereze orele \u015fi banii, dar asta probabil c\u0103\u2011i d\u0103dea \u015fi ei programul peste cap \u015fi m\u0103 detesta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n