F\u0103r\u0103 \u00eendoial\u0103, suntem sensibiliza\u021bi cu to\u021bii de un concept ultravehiculat \u00een ultimii ani, anume, acela de parenting, care, prin defini\u021bie, se refer\u0103 la procesul de cre\u0219tere, educare \u0219i \u00eengrijire a copiilor, precum \u0219i la strategia de a \u00eenv\u0103\u021ba s\u0103 fii un p\u0103rinte bun; exist\u0103 multe situa\u021bii din via\u021ba cotidian\u0103 a copiilor ce se explic\u0103 prin efectul generat de utilizarea elementelor care intr\u0103 sub umbrela parentajului, efect, de regul\u0103, perceput cu o conota\u021bie negativ\u0103 \u0219i cu o atitudine intrigat\u0103 de o mare parte a societ\u0103\u021bii, dezv\u0103luind astfel un fel de e\u0219ec al acestui fenomen. M\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 dinamica acestui proces din perspectiva unui educator (mam\u0103+profesoar\u0103) care vrea s\u0103 \u00een\u021beleag\u0103 esen\u021ba \u0219i modul de echilibrare a rela\u021biei adult-copil \u00een acest context istoric, social \u0219i cultural, a\u0219a c\u0103 am adus subiectul \u00een prim plan discut\u00e2nd cu fosta mea student\u0103 Patricia C., profesoar\u0103 la o \u0219coal\u0103 din Oradea, impactat\u0103 direct de ac\u021biunea parentajului; ea mi-a subliniat importan\u021ba pe care o are aceast\u0103 activitate fundamental\u0103 pentru orice societate, ea implic\u00e2nd o arie larg\u0103 de responsabilit\u0103\u021bi, pornind de la satisfacerea nevoilor de baz\u0103 ale copilului p\u00e2n\u0103 la dezvoltarea lui emo\u021bional\u0103 \u0219i cognitiv\u0103. Parentingul este vital pentru \u00eentreaga societate, mai cu seam\u0103 c\u00e2nd este corect \u00een\u021beles de p\u0103rin\u021bi \u0219i nu adaptat selectiv, sub influen\u021ba unor voci din social media sau a unor op\u021biuni personale contextuale, a\u0219a cum este trendul unui parenting pozitiv, tot mai des exagerat \u0219i tot mai r\u0103sp\u00e2ndit \u00een zilele noastre. \u00cen viziunea speciali\u0219tilor \u00een psihiatrie pediatric\u0103, aceast\u0103 form\u0103 de parentaj \u201epresupune un interes \u0219i o implicare adecvat\u0103 \u00een via\u021ba copilului, cu scopul de a-l cre\u0219te c\u00e2t se poate de bine\u201d (Liang, 2019: 14) \u0219i de a-i oferi o stabilitate familial\u0103 de durat\u0103, a\u0219a cum o impune meseria de p\u0103rinte, un proiect pe termen lung, care poate fi deseori identificat \u0219i \u00een pasaje pe care unii autori aleg s\u0103 le dedice rela\u021biei comunica\u021bionale biunivoce dintre personajul adult \u0219i personajul copil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reguli de familie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Parentingul este, a\u0219adar, str\u00e2ns legat \u0219i consolidat de climatul educativ familial, de rela\u021bia inerent\u0103 dintre p\u0103rin\u021bi \u0219i copii \u2013 c\u0103ci, \u00een ultim\u0103 instan\u021b\u0103, \u201ece \u00eenseamn\u0103 o familie f\u0103r\u0103 copii? Omul f\u0103r\u0103 copii e ca pomul neroditor. Cine n-a \u00eentemeiat o cas\u0103 \u0219i n-a crescut copii [\u2026] n-a tr\u0103it defel\u201d (Ilis, 2012: 621) \u2013, o rela\u021bie corespunz\u0103toare unei discipline a mediului domestic, bazat\u0103 pe \u201ereguli, iubire necondi\u021bionat\u0103, ascultare, comunicare, altruism, educa\u021bie\u201d (Sandu, 2016: 22). Acest raport ar trebui s\u0103 fie operativ \u00een mod curent, oricare ar fi tipul de familie: nuclear\u0103, adic\u0103, p\u0103rin\u021bii \u0219i copiii acestora, extins\u0103, compus\u0103 din \u201ecopil, p\u0103rin\u021bi, rude p\u00e2n\u0103 la gradul IV, inclusiv\u201d, sau substitutiv\u0103, alc\u0103tuit\u0103 din \u201epersoane, altele dec\u00e2t cele care apar\u021bin familiei extinse, care, \u00een condi\u021biile legii, asigur\u0103 cre\u0219terea \u0219i \u00eengrijirea copilului\u201d (101). Cu alte cuvinte, este ceea ce spune personajul Ernest Cunningham, \u201efamilia exercit\u0103 o for\u021b\u0103 gravita\u021bional\u0103 [\u2026]. Familia nu \u00eenseamn\u0103 cei al c\u0103ror s\u00e2nge \u00ee\u021bi curge prin vene, ci aceia pentru care ai v\u0103rsa s\u00e2ngele acela.\u201d (Stevenson, 2022: 461)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Av\u00e2nd convingerea c\u0103 \u201evia\u021ba de familie e o chestiune de echilibru\u201d (Montogomery, 2019: 16), autorii \u00ee\u0219i deleg\u0103 personajele-p\u0103rin\u021bi s\u0103 stabileasc\u0103 anumite coordonate solide pentru dezvoltarea ulterioar\u0103 a copiilor lor, pentru crearea unui context adecvat de \u00een\u021belegere, exprimare \u0219i control al emo\u021biilor \u0219i comportamentului acestora \u00een diferite momente reflexive, cum este acela \u00een care acum-adulta Miss Matfield anticipeaz\u0103 o zi de Cr\u0103ciun \u00een mijlocul familiei sale: \u201epoate c\u0103 de data asta Cr\u0103ciunul acas\u0103 avea s\u0103 fie mai amuzant. \u00cen orice caz, va fi cump\u0103tat \u0219i calm, iar tat\u0103l \u0219i mama vor fi bucuro\u0219i s\u0103 o vad\u0103 \u0219i ea va fi bucuroas\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eei vad\u0103 [\u2026]; se g\u00e2ndi cu afec\u021biune la p\u0103rin\u021bii ei, \u0219i c\u00eeteva clipe se sim\u021bi mai apropiat\u0103 de copilul ce fusese odat\u0103, copilul care-\u0219i socotise tat\u0103l \u0219i mama at\u00eet de minuna\u021bi \u0219i pentru care Cr\u0103ciunul fusese cea mai radioas\u0103 \u0219i cea mai fermecat\u0103 s\u0103rb\u0103toare din an.\u201d (Priestley, 1965: 323) Rela\u021biile de familie pot fi analizate ca \u201eo \u00eencreng\u0103tur\u0103 de alian\u021be f\u0103cute \u0219i ref\u0103cute\u201d, ce face ca familia s\u0103 fie \u201eo combina\u021bie exploziv\u0103: s\u0103 recuno\u0219ti c\u0103 cineva este apropiat \u00eendeajuns c\u00e2t s\u0103-i pese de tine \u0219i c\u0103 are \u00een acela\u0219i timp dreptul s\u0103 te judece\u201d (Tannen, 2019: 44), a\u0219a cum face autorul \u00een cazul fra\u021bilor Iustina \u0219i Roland, du\u0219i de M\u0103tu\u0219a M\u0103d\u0103lina, s\u0103-\u0219i vad\u0103 mama la spital, unde a r\u0103mas cu ei \u201e\u00een curte \u0219i maic\u0103-sa i-a \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219at \u0219i a zis de mai multe ori \u00abcopila\u0219ii mei\u00bb, apoi privirea i s-a \u00een\u021bepenit, era undeva \u0219i nu ie\u0219ea de acolo [\u2026]. \u0218i-a trecut palmele de c\u00e2teva ori, lent \u0219i ap\u0103sat, peste p\u0103rul r\u0103rit \u0219i buzele ei uscate au b\u00e2iguit ni\u0219te cuvinte de ne\u00een\u021beles, apoi a plecat brusc, s-a ascuns dup\u0103 un copac\u201d, dup\u0103 care, impresionat\u0103 de aceast\u0103 scen\u0103, M\u0103tu\u0219a M\u0103d\u0103lina \u201ea \u00eenceput s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103 \u0219i atunci \u0219i ea, Iustina, a \u00eenceput s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103, dar \u0219i-a \u00eenghi\u021bit pl\u00e2nsul c\u00e2nd a observat cum o privea Roland.\u201d (M\u0103laicu-Hondrari, 2024: 72) Cititorul descoper\u0103 cu pl\u0103cere faptul c\u0103 rela\u021biile de familie sunt sus\u021binute de un num\u0103r de adul\u021bi \u2013 apar\u021bin\u00e2nd unei sau mai multor genera\u021bii \u2013, a\u0219a cum sunt exemplificate prin armonioasa \u201eprietenie special\u0103\u201d dintre bunicul Roland \u0219i nepoata Stefanie, o poveste emo\u021bionant\u0103, manifestat\u0103 de \u201efelul \u00een care micu\u021ba \u00eel c\u0103uta s\u0103-i prezinte reflec\u021biile ei grave ori \u00eentreb\u0103rile chibzuite, sau cum insista s\u0103 se a\u0219eze l\u00e2ng\u0103 ea la mas\u0103. Voia s\u0103 afle despre trecutul lui\u201d, pe de o parte, iar pe de alta, \u0219i de felul \u00een care Roland Baines \u201edescoperea uluit bog\u0103\u021bia evident\u0103 a vie\u021bii interioare a unui copil de \u0219ase ani\u201d; sunt momente unice care \u00eel \u201epurtau instantaneu \u00een urm\u0103 cu treizeci de ani, \u00een copil\u0103ria lui Lawrence. Stefanie asculta cu o privire fix\u0103, concentrat\u0103, pove\u0219tile pe care le spunea bunicul ei\u201d, iar Roland se g\u00e2ndea c\u0103 \u201efeti\u021ba \u00eel consider\u0103 o posesiune str\u0103veche \u0219i extrem de pre\u021bioas\u0103, a c\u0103rei existen\u021b\u0103 fragil\u0103 are sarcina s-o protejeze. Era flatat ori de c\u00e2te ori \u00eel lua de m\u00e2n\u0103.\u201d (McEwan, 2023: 420)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Scene ne\/conflictuale<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ipostazele pe care autorii le creeaz\u0103 pentru personajele lor aflate \u00eentr-o combina\u021bie familial\u0103 sunt determinate de rela\u021bii \u0219i alian\u021be, dezv\u0103luite inten\u021bionat, pentru a identifica un poten\u021bial conflict ap\u0103rut \u00een leg\u0103tura p\u0103rinte-copil, un conflict care ar putea influen\u021ba stabilitatea viitoare a copilului \u00een efortul s\u0103u de a-\u0219i \u201e\u00een\u021belege, exprima \u0219i controla emo\u021biile\u201d (Tannen, 2019: 170), a\u0219a cum se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u00een via\u021ba lui Roland Baines, puternic marcat\u0103 la unsprezece ani c\u00e2nd p\u0103rin\u021bii l-au trimis la o \u0219coal\u0103 cu internat: \u201eA fost o desp\u0103r\u021bire stingher\u0103. Tat\u0103l lui l-a b\u0103tut pe spate, mama a \u0219ov\u0103it dac\u0103 s\u0103-l \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219eze sau nu, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103 i-a dat o \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219are re\u021binut\u0103, pe care el a primit-o st\u00e2ngaci, sensibil la ce ar putea crede ceilal\u021bi b\u0103ie\u021bi, C\u00e2teva minute mai t\u00e2rziu, a asistat la multe \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219\u0103ri zgomotoase \u0219i \u00eenl\u0103crimate, dar era prea t\u00e2rziu s\u0103 se \u00eentoarc\u0103. Au urmat cincisprezece minute dificile \u00een autocar, cu p\u0103rin\u021bii lui afar\u0103 pe trotuar, z\u00e2mbindu-i, f\u0103c\u00e2ndu-i cu m\u00e2na \u00eentr-o doar\u0103 \u0219i rostind \u00eencuraj\u0103ri pe care nu le auzea prin geam, \u00een vreme ce b\u0103iatul de l\u00e2ng\u0103 el voia s\u0103 fac\u0103 conversa\u021bie.\u201d (McEwan, 2023: 65) Cititorul descoper\u0103 c\u0103 acesta este momentul ce va profila calitatea de p\u0103rinte a personajului, care, e lucru \u0219tiut, \u201ese dob\u00e2nde\u0219te prin numeroase \u00eencerc\u0103ri \u0219i erori\u201d (Montgomery, 2019: 10), urm\u00e2nd un traseu personal \u00een procesul de rela\u021bionare cu fiul s\u0103u, Lawrence, dup\u0103 plecarea Alissei, mam\u0103 \u0219i so\u021bie: \u201eEra o pl\u0103cere s\u0103 se instaleze \u00een micul fotoliu de l\u00e2ng\u0103 p\u0103tu\u021bul lui Lawrence. Vizita nocturn\u0103 putea fi considerat\u0103 un aranjament reciproc avantajos \u2013 pe Roland \u00eel lini\u0219tea s\u0103-\u0219i priveasc\u0103 fiul dormind, cu fa\u021ba \u00een sus, bra\u021bele \u00eentinse pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 cap, m\u00e2inile abia ajung\u00e2ndu-i p\u00e2n\u0103 la cre\u0219tet. Un ditamai creierul \u0219i protec\u021bia sa osoas\u0103 erau a\u0219a o povar\u0103 la \u00eenceput de drum. At\u00e2t de greu, c\u0103 nu-i permitea lui Lawrence s\u0103 stea \u00een capul oaselor \u00een primele \u0219ase luni de via\u021b\u0103.\u201d (McEwan, 2023: 110)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Teoriile privind educa\u021bia, respectiv parentingul, sus\u021bin faptul c\u0103, \u00een general, \u201econflictele pot fi benefice pentru copii\u201d pentru c\u0103 \u201eei au nevoie s\u0103 simt\u0103 c\u0103 via\u021ba are \u0219i p\u0103r\u021bi bune \u0219i p\u0103r\u021bi mai pu\u021bin bune\u201d (Montgomery, 2019: 55), c\u0103 existen\u021ba cotidian\u0103, determinat\u0103 social \u0219i cultural, a\u0219a cum a observat, \u00een cursul unei conversa\u021bii dintr-o dup\u0103-amiaz\u0103 de iunie \u00een casa ei din Renania (Rheinland) \u0219i t\u00e2n\u0103ra mea prieten\u0103, adolescenta Ada D., este modelat\u0103 de limite, uneori imperceptibile, care \u00eei \u00eenva\u021b\u0103 acest lucru, pentru a ajunge s\u0103 aib\u0103 o via\u021b\u0103 echilibrat\u0103, \u0219i mai ales, pentru a \u00een\u021belege care este \u201eleg\u0103tura dintre ac\u021biunile lor \u0219i consecin\u021bele acestora\u201d (124). Cercet\u0103rile indic\u0103 faptul c\u0103 parentajul \u201ese manifest\u0103 zi de zi, \u00een familie, la \u0219coal\u0103 sau gr\u0103dini\u021b\u0103. Este atmosfera dintre pere\u021bii casei, relaxarea din curtea casei, ajutorul\/conversa\u021bia cu copilul. Se \u00eenf\u0103ptuie\u0219te \u00een continuu: este \u00eens\u0103\u0219i via\u021ba, a\u0219a cum arat\u0103 ea clip\u0103 de clip\u0103\u201d (12); c\u00e2nd e pornit din interior, este, indiscutabil, componenta esen\u021bial\u0103 \u00een a ajuta un copil \u201es\u0103-\u0219i construiasc\u0103 o identitate puternic\u0103\u201d (Liang, 2019: 321) \u0219i \u00een a asigura dezvoltarea sa optim\u0103, chiar dac\u0103 mai exist\u0103 nostalgici de tipul lui Kate Reddy care au alte p\u0103reri despre ceea ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u00een mod curent \u00een zilele noastre: \u201edac\u0103 stau s\u0103 m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc, probabil c\u0103 tot ce a mers prost cu civiliza\u021bia modern\u0103 a \u00eenceput \u00een momentul \u00een care parenting-ul a devenit un concept. S\u0103 fii p\u0103rinte acum e o slujb\u0103 cu norm\u0103 \u00eentreag\u0103, \u00een plus fa\u021b\u0103 de cealalt\u0103 slujb\u0103, cea care pl\u0103te\u0219te ipoteca \u0219i facturile. Sunt zile \u00een care m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc c\u0103 tare mi-ar fi pl\u0103cut s\u0103 fiu mam\u0103 pe vremea c\u00e2nd p\u0103rin\u021bii erau \u00eenc\u0103 adul\u021bi care \u00ee\u0219i vedeau egoi\u0219ti de via\u021ba lor \u0219i beau cocktailuri seara, \u00een timp ce copiii se str\u0103duiau s\u0103-i mul\u021bumeasc\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 se adapteze. Oare armata asta imens\u0103 de b\u0103rba\u021bi \u0219i femei dedica\u021bi confortului \u0219i stimul\u0103rii permanente a odraslelor lor i-a provocat o bucurie f\u0103r\u0103 precedent genera\u021biei mai tinere?\u201d (Pearson, 2019: 40)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Referin\u021be<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ilis, Florina, 2012, Vie\u021bile paralele<\/em>, Bucure\u0219ti: Cartea Rom\u00e2neasc\u0103<\/p>\n\n\n\n Liang, Holan, dr., 2019 (2017), Parentajul porne\u0219te din interior. Cum s\u0103 cre\u0219tem copii puternici, s\u0103dindu-le \u00eencrederea \u00een sine<\/em>,Bucure\u0219ti: Trei (trad. Veronica Tomescu)<\/p>\n\n\n\n M\u0103laicu-Hondrari, Marin, 2024, Clandestin<\/em>,Bucure\u0219ti: Trei<\/p>\n\n\n\n McEwan, 2023 (2022), Lec\u021bii<\/em>,Ia\u0219i: Polirom (trad. Dan Croitoru)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Montgomery, Hedvig, 2019 (2018), Parentingul magic<\/em>,Bucure\u0219ti: Trei (trad. Liana Haidar)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pearson, Allison, 2019 (2017), C\u00e2t de greu poate fi?<\/em>, Ia\u0219i: Polirom (trad. Mihaela Buruian\u0103)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Priestley, J.B., 1965 (1930), Fund\u0103tura \u00eengerilor<\/em>, Bucure\u0219ti: Editura pentru Literatur\u0103 Universal\u0103 (trad. Eugen Barbu \u0219i Andrei Ion Deleanu)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sandu, Maria, 2016, Efecte ale seculariz\u0103rii asupra rela\u021biei p\u0103rin\u021bi-copii. Studiu de caz: municipiul Ia\u0219i<\/em>,Ia\u0219i: Editura Universit\u0103\u021bii \u201eAlexandru Ioan Cuza\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stevenson, Benjamin, 2022, To\u021bi cei din familia mea au ucis pe cineva<\/em>, Bucure\u0219ti: Trei (trad. Mihaela Apetrei)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tannen, Deborah, 2019 (2001), Spun asta doar pentru c\u0103 te iubesc<\/em>, Bucure\u0219ti: Trei (trad. Ruxandra Vi\u0219an)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" de Magda Danciu<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":14036,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52,58],"tags":[85,2569,86],"coauthors":[1239],"class_list":["post-13900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-rubrici","category-save-as","tag-magda-danciu","tag-nr-8-2025","tag-save-as"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/parenting.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13900"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13900\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14037,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13900\/revisions\/14037"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14036"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13900"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistafamilia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcoauthors&post=13900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}